When I search my own memories, filtered through therapy, maturity and growth, I am able to pick out some of the ingredients of my childhood. I begin to realize that, yes, every parent can be a grumpy bastard on occasion. But overall, they are either good or bad for their children.
I am one of the lucky ones. Even though my family had some major issues when I was growing up, I got good parents. They made honest mistakes, just like I have with my own children. But overall, my parents gave me great goodness and love.
When considering abusive behavior, we are asked to consider not just events but patterns. I think we can do the same with considering nurturing behavior- not just counting events but the pattern over many years. I look at my own father and see that over the forty years of my life, he has shown a pattern of caring, support, compassion, and championing. This father champions his children, even though we are all grown. He is the chivalrous knight to his three daughters.
Even at age 72, he is helping me out- installing a ceiling fan for me. I listen to him muttering to himself; sometimes talking through a plan, sometimes cussing under his breath. This is comfort. My father is near and he is using his strengths to make our family better.
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