Novena ~ Day Two

On this second day of Novena prayers, I am cherishing the compact green prayer book passed on to me from a friend. The little book came to me just a few days ago. The faint scent of cigar smoke and bookmarked pages immediately drew me into memories of its former owner.

He was an older gentleman, a mentor in my spiritual and emotional development, who died just three months ago, unexpectedly. Losing him was like losing a father. When a mutual acquaintence passed on a large box of his books, I was unable to even look at them for several days. But finally, I sat on the floor, stacks of his books in my lap, to the side of me... I took in the smells of this man I loved so dearly. I cherished each passage he had highlighted, each page corner notated, each bookmark or break in the spine.

In a way, he is alive with me through his books.

Books were a passion of his. This particular stack was a small selection of spiritual reading he had accumulated. Decades of spiritual growth and depth in the Catholic Church. I recalled his reminder to me; it is our duty to continue to learn and grow in the church. For him, that meant a men's group that met each Friday to pray and discuss. It meant having his bible open to the next reading each day, and having two, three, four books going at once. He was a voracious reader.

Every time I discovered some new concept, inspiration or idea within the Catholic context, he would readily and deeply discuss it with me. He truly knew his stuff and was able to pull whichever topic right out of the file system in his brain. Now that I look at his books, I see a smattering of the thousands of pages of searching, each text highlighted through to the end, his understanding and love of Christ developing over paper and print.

And of course this little copy of Novenas... It came to me just at the right time. I sought out a Novena that would prepare me for my upcoming reception into the church, my first communion, my family's entrance. A Novena to the Eucharist caught my eye and seemed so right. Each time I pray this, I know my friend is praying it with me as he delights in heaven in his Father's arms.

He so wanted to be with Jesus. Every act he did was for Him. I know he still prays for my family- my husband who was like an adopted son, my children who were treated cautiously and respectfully as grandchildren. Once in a while, whey my children saw him, he would let them know how much Jesus loves them. Just once in a while, never enough to be overbearing. And the children would turn their heads to him and smile secret, delighted smiles.

Each time I pick up this book of Novenas, my heart aches with loss and joy. I miss him so much. I am happy that he is with Jesus. He is the one who taught me that I could have more than one feeling at a time. Well, I am having them. Sadness, joy, loss and love. Regrets and longing, frustration, bewilderment, and contentment. What a complexity of emotions a little book can trigger: This human-ness God gave us.