Last night I had a God dream.
Madonna of the Streets ~ Ferruzzi
It took place in the Cathedral of All Creation, a universal sanctuary that encompassed all Trinitarian believers. In this dream, somehow I was given the gift of being Mary; her earthly and bodily representation. I appeared as Mary, I spoke as she, had her mannerisms and demeanor. All this on the outside. But on the inside, even though my heart was Mary's, I was filled with sin as Mary never was.
Everyone who saw me, saw me with the love and reverence of the Holy Mother. I was ever holding a white rose and scroll that confirmed my identity. No matter how sinful I was or felt, I could not shed the cloak of Our Mother, could not rid myself of the symbolic rose and scroll. This burden/blessing was granted me by a power far greater than me.
I processed at a great cathedral along with all the other saints, the angels, saints that had never been known, living religious, devout and faithful servants of the Lord. ALL saw me as Mary. I continued to know that inside I was only a sinner. My sins burned in my heart. I tried to hang my head in shame, but others only saw it as piety! Maddening that they didnt know what I was inside. As the others in procession were seated for this great Mass of the Church, I descreetly wandered into the hallway to find a room for privacy. I needed badly to let someone- anyone- know that I did not deserve to be so intimate with Mary's exisitence.
Even in my attempt to be descreet, I opened the hallway door to find that it did not lead where I thought. This attracted unwanted attention by 'my' or Mary's devotees, who rushed to me to assist me into a private room. I felt irritation and frustration. I judged the actions of the people helping me. As I did so, I knew Mary never would!
When I got to the room, where I hoped to be away from everyone, I discovered that I had two roommates who had taken the better beds. I was instantly jealous and angry, rejecting the people in the room. My thoughts and feelings on the inside were filled with judgements. Yet the people assisting me still saw me as perfectly faith-filled Mary.
A man came to interview me. He couldnt believe he was so fortunate to be able to interview the Mother of God! As he asked questions, my body and appearance remained serene and compassionate. But inside I was thinking what a pain in the butt this guy was!
During the interview, the dream shifted.
I was still, somehow, Mary. Now I was truly 'projecting' Mary inside of my body. But from the outside I no longer appeared as Mary! Everything in me had been overshadowed... or blinded by the light of goodness and purity... to the point where my ego no longer acted, but was completely submitted to Mary and her desire to love and serve God.
As the interview continued with this eager reporter, I softly interupted the man, leaned close and spoke. "I must tell you one thing." He paused to listen. "Pray." I whispered barely audibly, looking into his eyes.
But he could not receive the words. I saw in his face that he did not take me seriously, nor did he believe. Suddenly I was in the position of being Mary- sinless and perfect in faith- but nobody I was with would receive me. Every action and thought was pure and sinless; a complete message from God and a constant direction toward Christ. I served! And nobody knew me. Nobody knew my Son through me.
I left the room and found myself wandering in a city. I was no longer celebrated in a mass where nobody recognized me. There was a man at a shop who was overwhelmed with his duties. He was trying to fix some things in a back room, when I saw a mop and bucket sitting on a filthy floor. I immediately began to clean the floor. The man came to see what was going on and sees this strange woman mopping his floor! Service is all I can think. No judgements, just knowing to serve. As I finish the floor, I ask the man to pray with me. He doesnt know that Mary is speaking to him and just stares at me while I pray. Still, I have no judgement, but only compassion and an overwhelming sense of patience.
As I leave the building, a child is in the street about to be hit by a car. I pray and suddenly a man sees the danger, grabs the child and saves its life. Yet no one understands that God had been implored. Mary in me feels sad, but still patient.
At another building, a family is trying to make a home and a small business, but the building is too small. Mary in me understands the family's burden and trials. Again, I begin to pray and the building expanded its walls, growing larger. The family is happy, but doesnt seem to understand that a greater power has cared for them.
All my experiences at this point show me how patient and undaunted Mary is in her unending compassion. All she wants is to direct the people toward her Son. Yes, she is sad, but never condemning. She makes herself known, yet people refuse to know her. There is a loneliness in being Mary. She is so close to her Son and to God. But her humanness fills her with desire to gather all of God's people, and her humanness feels sadness when they do not come. Yet, human though she is, she is sinless in how she loves us! Amazing!
It is very likely my dream is filled with heresy. How do I know! But this is the kind of dream I have and it was very meaningful to me.
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