Hope

Saturday morning, I sat in eucharistic adoration at our diocesan cathedral, absorbing the incense and the gaze of Our Lord. I prayed and prayed...about many things. But foremost in my thoughts was a tiny baby, just born a few days ago, whose heart isnt quite ready for the world. He was born with a defect and his life, so safe and sound in the womb, is now at great risk.

His family has asked for prayers.

They have also asked for intercession, be it God's will, from Servant of God, Fulton J. Sheen. The little boy has been named for him: James Fulton. I was struck by the contrast of this helpless, vulnerable little baby and the man who was strong and famous and dynamic!

What struck me even more, however, was the strong knowing of how my own family would have dealt with this little child. They would have said, "It would have been better if he had never been born."

For many years, honed by years of training, I refused to hope. A baby with problems? Best to abort. Best if he dies. Certainly dont put him on life support or attempt life saving measures! If a child can not be perfectly healthy- if he must go through tribulations to live, his life is somehow not worth it. It is better if he would simply not exist. That was the way I was raised. But today, I know differently. And I wonder to myself, sitting with Jesus, why that is.

Its simply a matter of hope.

Growing up, my sisters and I went to church, but none of us really believed in God. Nobody believed that God loves us and wants the best for us. If there was any concept of God at all, it was a God of punishment and contradictions. One certainly does not put ones hope in such a God. He is too much of a trickster- a cruel jokester. We heard all about the politics going on. Holidays were not spent praying over a meal, but discussing the opiate that was organized religion, the corruption that was the clergy, and the fool's gold of the laughable sacraments.

But I have gotten to know God a little better now that I am older. He is no jokester. He allows us, safely, to hope in Him, to rely on Him, to love Him and trust Him. It takes a leap of faith... and maturity and healing on our part. It takes hours of time spent with Him, talking to Him and coming back again and again. I have told Him of my hatred, my anger; of my humiliation and devestation. I have shed tears and sweat while rubbing sore knees and having fits of the giggles. We have developed a relationship- a friendship- but oh, so much more than I can ever conceive.

Mostly, I have learned that in a healthy relationship, one trusts... and hopes.

So when I see pictures of this little, vulnerable child, shunted full of catheters and tubes, I no longer despair. I hope. Without God, I could only ever imagine the possibilities of human limitation. To see a sick, damaged child meant that I could only see MY limitations! My inability to love, be patient, to heal or to tolerate. Only my sadness, and my fear, and the only solutions were limited by my flawed abilities. To have hope only in humanity is to despair. We know full well our limits and abilities. We know that in our own hearts we can only give so much to a child with such incredible needs. And in our despair, we actually think, "This could be so hard that it would be best if the child did not exist."

But God shows us differently. He asks us to hope. He tells us that we CAN love this child. We CAN help this child! We can tolerate his deficiencies, we can even anticipate a healing beyond our known capacity. And we are not left to do this alone. He is always with us- never to abandon us... or that little child.

It doesnt mean that God will heal the child of those who pray loudly enough. But it does mean that God will fill our hearts- has already created us with fullness of heart- to see the value in this child's life. Each life is so incredibly precious. God cares even for the sparrow. Of course he cares for each of us in our unique and complex existence, sorrows, and celebrations. Is this so hard to imagine? Yeah, kind of! Because God is so much more than what you or I can figure up. And honestly, its quite refreshing to realize that I am not in charge of all of this. Thank God!

Prayers continue for little James Fulton. And little James Fulton continues to do better. This little boy will not only live, but he will thrive in a loving family and loving community. He will be raised and fed on HOPE. Not a false, empty hope, but one of real substance and meaning. When we allow hope to grow inside of us, it will mature into faith. And that is a wonderful thing.

To think that we humans might have despaired and allowed this little child to die. It has happened so many times. We fear to hope and in that despair we actually let other humans die. It blows my mind that we would extinguish a human life in our fear. But it happens all the time.

Eternal Father,

You alone grant us every blessing in Heaven and on earth, through the redemptive mission of Your Divine Son, Jesus Christ, and by the working of the Holy Spirit. If it be according to Your Will, glorify Your servant, Fulton Sheen, by granting the favor I now request through his prayerful intercession that James Fulton's organs heal and function normally and that he is spared any brain damage. I make this prayer confidently through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

Amen.