I had three options with this book... to give it to Big Sister to read on her own, to read it WITH Big Sister a chapter at a time, or to read through the book first by myself and then decide what to do.
I am so grateful that I read through the book by myself first. There is content that I think would be damaging for my daughter.
I know the book was originally written in another time- post Victorian and burgeoning through the Edwardian era. But, sigh... I had hoped that the views on women at the time would have been more healthy. Unfortunately, there is a constant theme in the book- that girls and women are responsible for the way men treat them. And that means that if a man treats them poorly, it isnt that man's responsibility, but rather that the woman has done something to provoke and even deserve the treatment. This is the kind of unhealthy reasoning that allows abuse and limits a person's rights to exist as she is. It is even insulting to men, who apparently are too dominated by their animal instincts to 'behave themselves' without a proper woman.
Generally speaking, this book denies an individual her feelings, intuition and thoughts; her freedom of expression and self. There is a very narrow idea of what it means to be a functional woman. According to this book, she shall not joke with men, she must not ever express frustration or request help. Very one dimensional. It is as if the book wishes to assert that women are happier in ignorance and denial of their true needs...that women will be happier if they have much work to do and only ever smile about their lot in life. Otherwise, if a man abuses your relationship or slanders your reputation, you deserved it.
Seriously, no thanks. There are better books out there that can help us learn the balance of being a God created woman in all her femininity but still remain true to herself and her kind.
All said, there may be a handful of chapters that I can photocopy from the book as short exercises. One chapter discusses remaining cheerful for the benefit of one's younger siblings. I see some value in that, if discussed with the reality that we DO have feelings of frustration and tedium, but that we can work with those feelings and still be a good example to our siblings. The book ever so slightly touches on that concept, for which I am grateful. But because the overall tone of the book is quite oppressive, I would not use the entire text. A smattering here or there is fine, just not in one fell, authoritative and autocratic swoop.
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| An authentic woman ~ graceful but still able to play football with the boys! |
On another note, what a treat it is to be reading about the unpublished works of John Paul II Theology of the Body and Patrick Carnes Sexual Anorexia at the same time! Absolutely fascinating! Carnes gives us a scientific and psychological take on healthy sexuality, while John Paul II melodizes his theological understanding of human sexuality. Like science and religion, they can mesh quite nicely, weaving a beautiful song. In fact, Christopher West, author of Heaven's Song (the lay translation of JPII hidden writings on TOB) uses Song of Songs, St. John of the Cross and other *mystical*, *erotic* filters through which to understand our sexuality and our relationship with God.
Some will shudder to hear the words sex and God in the same sentence, but JPII goes there, as a prophet of the Catholic church, to re-educate us about the worth and dignity of our bodies and our needs. Unfortunately, Carnes' only reference to religion in his book is to offer recovery from religious messages against healthy sexuality. It would be neat if Carnes would go a little deeper- but this book was written before TOB. West says the same thing, nevertheless, and wishes for us to shed our ideas and incorrect beliefs that God and sex cant be part of one reality. Both West and Carnes wish for us to heal- one through psychology and one through spirituality. I think they come together nicely.
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| Christ as our bridegroom |
The Rotschild Canticles Images
A cool site that is REALLY hard to navigate, but worth it for the research value.
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