Meds are Good

Well, two days after a nasty day-long panic attack and things are much better. I survived. :)

I pretty much blame insurance companies, which as we all know are evil capitalist pig-dogs to begin with. They refused to continue coverage of my antidepressant, so I had to wean off of it and hope to find a generic that would work. Thank GOD I had an extra stash of it because the coverage stopped with absoluetly NO WARNING. I went in one day to get my Rx, and they were like "That will be $160" and I was all like, what about my insurance co-pay (which was already $35bucks going up to $50 bucks the next month) and they were like, "No, the coverage is canceled altogether."

Now, you all know that you cant just stop taking an antidepressant because basically your brain explodes and bugs crawl under your skin and you find yourself doing the Curly Stooge thing walking around sideways on the floor when you thought you were walking upright.... this is what we call vertigo.

But the insurance does not care about this because they are hoping you will die and then they will never have to pay for your stuff ever again.

Fortunately, i had a stash, as I mentioned because somehow I just KNEW I wasnt going to make it up to Canada to get my drugs when something like this happened, so I was able to eek out enough of my stash to wean off the antidepressant instead of going cold turkey.

But I must tell you that even weaning off properly very much sucked and I cant say that I recommend it or wish it upon my worst enemy.

Nevertheless, a month later, I am finally able to flick the last of the under-the-skin-crawling bugs from my legs, and walk upright again thanks to the reduction of vertigo, and the freaking electric brain zaps or sparks became more like a fun and jovial game of swish-your-socks-on-the-carpet-and-give-your-sister-a-static-shock instead of the previous o-my-god-i-think-this-is-what-death-by electrocution-feels-like sensation.

It took five weeks.

Week six got a little hairy. I thought everything was ok. Until I realized that I was unable to cope well with the evils that seem to lurk in our world. And one day it all built up into a mega-panic-attack and that is how I knew I needed to find a new antidepressant.

What ticks me off is that I was doing GREAT on the med I had been taking. Because some private capitalist company wants to fucking rape my impoverished ass for MORE MONEY that I really dont have, they are all like, "Fuck you, I am going to keep you from even having the basic medical care that you require because making money is more important than your well-being." And so here I am, choosing from a very short list of meds that are so cheap that even Wally-fucking-world sells them for 2bucks a pop.

And while some of these meds are good, the med that I was on was VERY GOOD and it was VERY GOOD FOR ME. Now I have to start over withthe ups and downs of seeing what works and what doesnt, dealing with side effects and the general chaos that is trying-to-find-the-right-med-for-you.

I HAD the right med. Motherfuckers! Thanks a lot for making life difficult. Because, really, it wasnt difficult enough before.

So, now that my little vent is out, I will say that I am glad that there are meds that can stop a panic attack in its tracks, and that despite the exploitation of money grubbing insurance bastard capitalist pigdogs, I am grateful that there are meds out there. Because 40 years ago, I would have been out of luck altogether. Can we all say "Institutionalized"??

Its all a pain in the ass. For sure. But most essentially, meds are, in fact, good.