Today I saw my spiritual director, Fr. V. He gives me plenty to think about.
He asked me to consider: When you do something- take a course of action- you know if you feel good or not. But how do you feel afterward? Are you still filled with "the truth" even after you are done? Or does it collapse?
When I pray, I feel full and good. Afterward, I carry something divine with me during my day.
When I buy a new toy, I feel full and good. Afterward, I begin to sink. This was not truly nourishing.
When I spend time one on one with my kids, when we learn together, when I watch them grow and discover, I feel full and good. And this, as part of God's plan fills me for a lifetime.
I think of the hungry ghost, who with his giant belly and long skinny neck can never eat enough to feel full. He will never sustain himself on that food.
Is the Eucharist the ultimate food for our spirit? It is but a tiny wheat wafer, a taste of wine. But as the body and blood of Christ, it is ALL we ever thirst for. Jesus fills me in a way that nothing else can. And it stays- shall we say it sticks to our ribs? It becomes a part of us, and we become part of Christ's spiritual body.
When dh, at the age of 20-something, lost his father, he felt empty inside. His father was a poor model; a womanizer, abuser, drunken sex addict. It HURT dh for decades when his father died. And for decades, he thought it was because he lost someone who mattered. But now he realizes that the loss of his father hurt because he lost someone who SHOULD have mattered, but left him empty. A parent who never fills you up leaves you feeling empty and lost.
When dh met G, he learned for the first time what a father should be giving his son. Dh began to be filled up. And now that G is gone, he has left not an emptiness, but a fullness that will be with us for our lives. We are sad to lose him. But we are happy for what he left us with- something filling and real that has allowed our spirits to grow.
What will I leave my children with? I never knew that losing someone could result in feeling filled. I have always felt so lost and empty before. But those people I have lost have been people who were unwilling to truly give of themselves.
He asked me to consider: When you do something- take a course of action- you know if you feel good or not. But how do you feel afterward? Are you still filled with "the truth" even after you are done? Or does it collapse?
When I pray, I feel full and good. Afterward, I carry something divine with me during my day.
When I buy a new toy, I feel full and good. Afterward, I begin to sink. This was not truly nourishing.
When I spend time one on one with my kids, when we learn together, when I watch them grow and discover, I feel full and good. And this, as part of God's plan fills me for a lifetime.
I think of the hungry ghost, who with his giant belly and long skinny neck can never eat enough to feel full. He will never sustain himself on that food.
Is the Eucharist the ultimate food for our spirit? It is but a tiny wheat wafer, a taste of wine. But as the body and blood of Christ, it is ALL we ever thirst for. Jesus fills me in a way that nothing else can. And it stays- shall we say it sticks to our ribs? It becomes a part of us, and we become part of Christ's spiritual body.
When dh, at the age of 20-something, lost his father, he felt empty inside. His father was a poor model; a womanizer, abuser, drunken sex addict. It HURT dh for decades when his father died. And for decades, he thought it was because he lost someone who mattered. But now he realizes that the loss of his father hurt because he lost someone who SHOULD have mattered, but left him empty. A parent who never fills you up leaves you feeling empty and lost.
When dh met G, he learned for the first time what a father should be giving his son. Dh began to be filled up. And now that G is gone, he has left not an emptiness, but a fullness that will be with us for our lives. We are sad to lose him. But we are happy for what he left us with- something filling and real that has allowed our spirits to grow.
What will I leave my children with? I never knew that losing someone could result in feeling filled. I have always felt so lost and empty before. But those people I have lost have been people who were unwilling to truly give of themselves.
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